Monday, April 20, 2009

MORE Random Thoughts in My Head

So you’re sitting there, barely surviving another mundane day of work or suffering through those incredibly boring classes, and to your surprise you see…A NEW RANDOM THOUGHTS BLOG!!!! Now freeze-it! That look – the one on your face right now – that’s my gift to you. And because of this, I’d like to personally apologize in advance. Unfortunately there will be no returns or refunds. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Remember, these are my actual thoughts, the ones that waste away the precious minutes and hours of my fleeting life. Enjoy.

If all the mothers and fathers out there actually knew what Flo Rida was saying through the radio speakers and iPods of their teenage daughters, how long would it be before Mr. Rida was mysteriously found dead and washed up on the side of a river bank? I say we set the over-under at 43 minutes.

I watched the recent 60 Minutes episode where they interviewed LeBron James, and I found something incredibly shocking. They reported that in his senior year of high school, LeBron was voted as “Most Likely To Succeed” by the rest of his class. Wow. Those St. Vincent-St. Mary kids really went out on a limb, didn’t they? That one was almost as easy as Clay Aiken’s classmates voting him “Most Likely To Be…Second Place on American Idol.” What? Did you think I was going somewhere else with that one?

If it were at all possible to make it illegal for an individual to talk – and not just in public, but anywhere – the first person our government would try and institute this law on would be Spencer from The Hills. Hands-down, no questions asked. But in case you were wondering, Tyra Banks would finish a pretty close 2nd place.

The newest U2 album, No Line On The Horizon, was released a few weeks ago, and I must say that it is very good. In my opinion, it is their best release since Achtung Baby in 1991, and it’s probably in the early running for best album of the year. But that’s not the issue I want to look at. What intrigues me the most is the longevity of Bono’s voice through U2’s thirty years of existence. From Boy in 1980 to No Line in 2009, Bono has maintained his righteous pipes, making me slightly curious. In these current times, no man is above suspicion, which is why I feel that someone really needs to look into the possibility of Bono being on performance-enhancing drugs. And if we’re really serious about cleaning up this problem, then we have to punish him for any exposures of guilt. I’m thinking something along the lines of a suspension from his sunglasses.

I’ve never done cocaine before, but I imagine it’s something very similar to being a passionate follower of the television show Lost.

Speaking of television, Friday Night Lights was recently renewed for 2 more seasons. This new development has left me rather perplexed at how the creators of the show plan to come up with two extra years of high school eligibility for Tim Riggins. I don’t know how they’re going to do it yet, but I’ll figure it out eventually. And as if you haven’t already figured it out, I do have a massive man-crush on Taylor Kitsch, the actor who portrays Tim Riggins on the show. Now, it’s not like an extremely weird, “Single White Female” man-crush or anything creepy like that. That would be really awkward. It’s just a simple, mildly weird, very slightly “Single White Female” type of man-crush…and there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing. And even though my infatuation with Kitsch is completely (repeat: COMPLETELY) normal, he is in fact not my #1 Celebrity Crush. So, since I know you are just dying to find out who is Numero Uno, I’ll lay out my Fave Five for you.

Justin’s Non-Stalkerish Fave Five Celebrity Crushes:

#5: Mila Kunis – The “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “That 70’s Show” star seems like a really sweet girl with a unique and interesting personality, and that’s what really attracts me to her the most.

#4: Taylor Kitsch – I’d prefer not to talk about this one anymore than I already have.

#3: Lauren Conrad – "The Hills" star has let America into her life for the past 4 or 5 years, and I have to admit that I have been right there watching it all unfold. And, I’ve never blogged anything mean or snarky about her either, so I bet I’m just the guy she’s looking for.

#2: Jennifer Anniston – She’s almost old enough to be my mom, but I don’t care. I’ve always had a huge crush on her. In fact, she held the top-spot on this list for a long time, until…

#1: Freida Pinto – I am determined to tie the knot with this up-and-coming, knockout actress and star of "Slumdog Millionaire" for either my second or third marriage, depending on how things pan out for me. Just wait. You’ll see.

And while I’m on the subject of celebrities, I might as well share my thoughts on Miley Cyrus. Miley has been traveling down this trail as “America’s Sweetheart” for quite a while now, taking the country by storm and living as a positive role model for the many young girls that admire and look-up to her. So, obviously, this means that she is heading straight for a huge breakdown and a MAJOR scandal. I don’t support it, but it’s just how the system works. And since this MAJOR scandal is inevitable, I figure Vegas might as well set some betting lines for what this public humiliation might be. Doesn’t that seem reasonable? I’m thinking something along the lines of 5-1 odds for a DUI, 10-1 she’s arrested for possession of crack-cocaine, 25-1 for a surprise pregnancy, 100-1 that she’s paying someone under the table to put a hit on Billy Rae, and 350-1 that the paparazzi catch her leaving Jack Nicholson’s house at like 3:30 AM one morning. You could even parlay some of the odds (such as a DUI and simultaneous arrest for possession of crack-cocaine) and really clean up. I mean, we know something big is just waiting to happen; I say we should at least be able to make some money off of it.

That’s all I have for now. I’ll probably spend the next few days doing some de-compressing before I get back to having thoughts and ideas on a regular basis.

Until then, thanks for reading.

No comments: