Friday, February 6, 2009

Random Thoughts in my Head - Part 1 of 2

It’s been quite some time since my last “Random Thoughts” post, but it’s tough to get access to a computer when you’re in the loony bin. However, for the past couple months, a few arbitrary concepts and questions have been zipping around my skull, and now I finally have the chance to share them with all of you. Yup, that’s just the type of guy I am. And what’s even better is…IT’S ANOTHER TWO PARTER!!! That’s right, two separate blogs about the insane crap that fills my head. How excited are you?

As always, these are my actual thoughts, and I honestly spend way to much time thinking about them. Hopefully, you will now do the same. Enjoy.

At some point, they are going to run out of positive and uplifting sports stories to make into movies. All of these films about the most ground-breaking and touching moments throughout sports history are constantly being eaten up, so eventually the tank is going to run dry. And when this does happen, do you think they will start making movies about all the scandals and failures that occur in sports. Will someone have the guts to make “The Ryan Leaf Story” or “Tanya Harding: The Dark Side of Figure Skating”? Or what about a film that documents the life of Pacman Jones or the tenure of Matt Millen with the Detroit Lions? It might sound foolish now, but before you know it, sports tragedies will redefine the movie business. You heard it here first.

Why does every bank have those pens that are chained down to the counter? Are these pens really that valuable? Are the chains necessary? I mean, they never work anyway, so why even bother? I don’t know too many people that would steal a busted pen.

Singers Akon and Seal both released new albums in the past year, which I feel is an extremely impressive achievement. Why? Because I’m like 87.4% sure that they are the same person. I’ll give you a minute to inquisitively stroke your chin as you check out some pictures here and here. Plus, when do you ever see them hanging out together? don't. See, if you give me a minute to explain, I seem a lot less insane than you initially thought. This proves that my mom is right; I’m not crazy, just special.

Speaking of people that look alike, how about Will Smith? The Will Smith of today looks EXACTLY THE SAME as the Will Smith from 20 years ago when he started The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He’s like a black, male Diane Lane, or that Richard guy from Lost that always looks the same no matter how old he is. What is in this guy’s food? How is Will doing this?? Is he real, or just some kind of advanced robot that tells jokes and makes $100 million movies??? Someone needs to look into this.

You know when people are arguing or having a conversation and they ask questions, and then answer those questions themselves? What’s the thought process behind this? Does answering your own questions give you some type of confidence? Does it somehow boost your credibility? I am not at all a fan of this technique. If you ask “Is Styx the greatest rock band of all time?” and quickly follow up with “Yes, yes they are,” will rock enthusiasts suddenly go into a trance, throw out the knowledge that Styx totally sucks, and just agree with everything you say? Is that how it works? Either way, it needs to be stopped. I have no problem with rhetorical questions (like the ones I just used) because they actually have a literary and journalistic purpose – they allow the audience to consider the thoughts or questions you are putting forth. But when you answer your own questions, you sound uniformed, desperate, and a little bit like Golum from Lord of the Rings. Does that sound like something you want to be a part of? No, no it doesn’t. (Get it?)

Part two will be up in the next few days, and it’s an “All-Television Random Thoughts” post. Hmm, I wonder how much Gossip Girl I can cram into one blog.

Thanks for reading

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