Sunday, January 18, 2009

NFL Playoff Picks - Week 3 (Conference Championships)

Last Week: 2-2

I picked (guessed?) right on both AFC games last week. Unfortunately, my picks for both NFC games were way off, much like every pass Eli Manning threw against the Eagles. If Philly had slow defensive backs that were constantly out of position, they would have ended up with around 29 interceptions last Sunday. Luckily, Eli’s sorry excuse of a game on Sunday was greatly overshadowed by Jake Delhomme’s drunken sleepwalk of a game on Saturday. Have you seen the commercials for Taken, the new Liam Neeson movie? That look his daughter has on her face when she’s hiding under the bed after the kidnappers break into her room is the exact same look Delhomme had before every snap of that game. I thought he was going to collapse into the fetal position and just lay there until the time ran out. I’m sure he’s more than happy to be sitting at home in a dark room while this week’s games are being played. With that said, let’s get to the picks.

Here…we…go.

ARI 23 PHI 18 – I can’t believe this is happening. I’m picking the Arizona Cardinals to go to the Super Bowl. Yes, the same Arizona Cardinals that have 96-year-old Kurt Warner at quarterback and 89-year-old Edgerrin James at running back. The same Arizona Cardinals that have been an abysmal abomination of a team for the past five or six decades. The same Arizona Cardinals that almost named their stadium "The Pink Taco". So why am I picking them? Well, I really only have one good reason. I know the Cards have been playing well, finally figuring out how to run the ball and play defense, and I know they have two of the best receivers in the league, but that’s not why I’m picking them. The only good reason I have for picking Arizona is because I watched the Eagles TIE the Bengals earlier this season. I know I have talked about this before, but I cannot stress how disgusting that game was. No matter how many great games the Eagles have played since then or how amazing Donovan McNabb has been in the playoffs, I cannot pick a team to play in the Super Bowl when they couldn’t beat the Bengals in essentially a five-quarter game. The game was a disgrace to the sport of football, and it would be a bigger disgrace if the Eagles were allowed to play for the championship.

BAL 21 PIT 17 – Let me get the pick out of the way first. I have a gut feeling that the Ravens are going to win this game. I think Ben Rothlisberger is overrated and I think the Ravens defense is hostile enough, hungry enough, and experienced enough to win this one on the road. With that said, I am thoroughly repulsed at the idea of watching this game and knowing that one of these teams will play in the Super Bowl. I hate both of these teams about as much as Jack Nicholson hates his wife in The Shining. In my pick for a Steelers-Ravens game earlier this year, I stated that I would prefer a meteor to land square on the field at some point during the first half. I stand by this statement. If something horrible happened to these teams, I wouldn’t even try to hide my excitement. People around me would be appalled as I danced with glee. And if that doesn’t sufficiently express my hatred, then perhaps this will. Remember towards the end of The Dark Knight when the Joker rigged those two ferries with explosives? He gave each ferry the detonator that would set off the other ferry's bombs, and watched to see which would have the guts to blow the other one up first. It turns out that no one on either boat has the onions to turn the detonator key and carry the burden of exploding the other. However, if I were on one of those ferries, and the Ravens and Steelers were all on the opposite one, I would grab that detonator, turn the key, and then run to the window to watch. That may sound demented and wrong, but it’s the truth. As Alfred would say, “Some people just want to see the world burn.” When it comes to Steelers and Ravens, I guess I’m one of those people. Glad we could end on a happy note.


Thanks for reading

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