Sunday, December 28, 2008

Week 17 NFL Picks

Last Week: 11-5

Overall: 80-55

Well, about half the games this week have playoff implications and the other half are pointless. One of those pointless games will be the Bengals-Chiefs contest. Personally, I would really like the Bengals to win and end the year on a nice streak. However, this will probably convince Mike Brown that the team is good, prompting him to sit around on his (statement removed for decency purposes) all off-season and do nothing to fix this franchise. Mark it down. I’m positive this will happen. But on a happier note, Cincy didn’t have a single player arrested this season. I guess there’s always a silver lining somewhere. And we aren’t the Lions. Or the Browns. I guess I’m a glass half-full kind of guy.


ATL 24 STL 13 – Atlanta could end up with the #2 seed in the NFC with a win and some help. The Rams could end up with the #2 pick in the Draft with a loss and some help. Best of luck to both teams.

CHI 21 HOU 17 – Chicago needs a win and a Vikings loss for the playoffs. The Texans also need to lose, or else their expectations will be way too high for next year, leading to certain disappointment for the fine fans of Houston. I’ve been down that road before. If the Texans care about their fans at all, they will blow this game. If not, it’s all down hill from here.

NYG 33 MIN 23
– I know the Giants already have the #1 seed, and they will probably rest a bunch of starters, but I just have a feeling the Vikes will find a way to screw this one up. When your playoff hopes rest of the puny shoulders of Tavaris Jackson, it’s hard for me to trust them.

CAR 30 NO 28
– Drew Brees needs around 400 yards to break Dan Marino’s single season record for passing yards. I think he comes up just short as the Saints become the first NFC South team to lose a division game at home. However, I’ve been wrong about this division all season, so I don’t expect to get this one right. The fact that the Falcons are going to the playoffs and have a chance to win the NFC South just shows how freaking ridiculous this division is. From dog-fighting to playoffs in one year? How am I supposed to pick these games? I’m not Columbo.

PIT 23 CLE 6 – Ken Dorsey and Co. threw three picks to Bengals cornerback Leon Hall last week. If you follow the Bengals like I do, then you know how terrible Leon has been this year. If that one game contributes to Leon gaining confidence and having a successful career, I will write a personal thank-you letter to Ken Dorsey. If it contributes to Leon thinking he is good and holding out for a better contract, I’ll track Dorsey down and kick him in the teeth. So it’s all up in the air right now. And oh by the way, the Browns got shut out by the Bengals last week. Re-read that sentence. No punch-line necessary here.

TB 20 OAK 12 – Tampa needs to win and get some help to make the playoffs. The Raiders just need some help…period. A lot of help.

IND 20 TEN 14 – “The Scrubs Game” will show every Titans fan how thankful they should be for the resurrection of Kerry Collins. Vince Young can only hurt his future status in the NFL by playing in today’s game. The guy had a mental breakdown and hasn’t played a significant amount of snaps since Week 1. Do you really expect him to be even a little productive? Really?

GB 24 DET 130-16. When it rains it pours. But keep your head up, Detroit. You are guaranteed to do no worse next year. So, you know, just concentrate on that for the next 8 months.

NE 21 BUF 9 – Matt Cassel just made himself a lot of money for next season and shows a great deal of promise for his future. Which is interesting, because the same thing happened to Derek Anderson last season. Oh, wait…nevermind.

CIN 17 KC 6 – (Justin’s “the fan” choice) – This will be three in a row for the Bengals, which makes me feel slightly better about next year. Way to go, fellas. (Justin’s sensible choice) – This will be three in a row for the Bengals, which really speaks to the "crappy-ness" of the NFL this year. Way to go, fellas. WHO-DEY!!!!!

BAL 23 JAC 10 – The Ravens need to win to get in. Luckily, the Jags suck. Merry Christmas Baltimore.

MIA 20 NYJ 14 – Brett Favre comes to the Jets. The Jets cut former starting QB Chad Pennington. Miami signs Pennington. Pennington comes to New York in Week 17 and beats Favre to send Miami to the playoffs. You can’t even script it that well. Irony is about to slap the Jets square in the face. (No "Ricky Williams smokes weed" joke this week. Ricky prefers I be more blunt in my prediction for such a big game.)

SEA 23 ARI 17 – Holmgren wins his last game, and people in Arizona can’t believe they are still allowed to have a home playoff game. Wait, scratch that. EVERYONE can’t believe they are still allowed to have a home playoff game.

SF 19 WAS 16 – Mike Singletary has coached himself into the head position with San Fran. On the other hand, Jim Zorn has coached himself right out of the head position…with anyone.

PHI 24 DAL 13 – The Eagles chances at the playoffs will probably be shot by a Tampa Bay victory. And yet, I still foresee the Cowboys laying an egg in this one. They’ve been disappointing all season, so why would they stop now? Plus, I’d love to see Jerry Jones’ head explode in the post-game interviews.

DEN 23 SD 20 – The fact that one of these two teams will make the playoffs is slightly disgusting. The AFC West should be annexed and made into a college football conference. Then, their playoff spot could go to the Bengals for their impressive three-game win streak. That’s the only fair thing to do. Can you think of anything better? Exactly, I didn’t think so either.

Thanks for reading

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