Thursday, November 13, 2008

Week 11 NFL picks

Last Week: 10-4

Overall: 39-31

That's right, I went 10-4 for the second week in a row. ESPN is even considering adding me to their Monday Night Countdown pannel. You know what I find ridiculous about the Monday Night Countdown team: Keyshawn Johnson criticizing NFL players. Does this make any sense at all? Keyshawn talking about how selfish and annoying players are today? It's like Colin Farrell talking about overrated actors or Tyra Banks criticizing people for their egos. It's ridiculous. If ESPN hires Lane Kiffin, and he starts criticizing poor player-coach relationships, I'm gonna have to write a very stern letter to those guys. I mean I'll still watch, but they'll get a letter for sure.

Hop to it.

NE 21 NYJ 17 - Might be a good game, but we'll never know because of the SOB's that run the NFL Network and our cable companies. The NFL Network is kind of like Narnia - it sounds like a wonderful, exciting, mystical place that we would love to see and be a part of, but the majority of us will never find it, no matter how much we search.

ATL 27 DEN 23 - I hate the NFC South. It's like a freaking rubix cube of a league. I usually have to use my Fruedian logic when trying to pick these games. But the Broncos had to come back big to beat the Brownies last week, so they can't be that good .

TB 23 MIN 17 - How long before the Vikes get sick of Frerotte and just start direct snapping it to Peterson every play. This week? Next week? I'm not sure, but it's gonna happen. By the way Minnesota, Gus started for the Bengals for an entire season, so I feel your pain.

NYG 27 BAL 19 - Remember that scene in the movie “Remember the Titans” where Sunshine (the quarterback) flipped the other team's big, huge, scary-as-heck lineman over his back and then gave him that bad-ass stare down after the play? If Eli Manning did that exact same thing to Ray Lewis, wouldn't the world like have to implode? Do you think it would implode? I bet it would. Yeah, I definitely think it would.

CAR 25 DET 14 - Thank you Detroit. You saved me from picking another NFC South mind-bender. On another note, I think the Lions should always where their old-school uni's, with just the plain blue jerseys and the plain silver pants and helmets. It makes them look like a 4th-Grade Pop Warner team, which I feel is pretty accurate.

PHI 29 CIN 18 - (Justin's “sensible” choice)- After our first win and our bye-week, the 2 week non-losing streak will suffice for the next couple games. We'll get back to our non-losing ways when ever we darn-well feel like it, which will most likely be against the Browns in Week 16. (Justin's “the fan” choice)- HEY JACKSONVILLE...HA HA HA HA!!! YOU SUCK!!! I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT THIS WEEK. I'M STILL CRACKING UP OVER THE FACT THAT YOU LET CEDRIC BENSON AND RYAN FITZPATRICK RIP YOU A NEW ONE!!! HA HA HA HA!!!

CHI 27 GB 17 - I talked to Aaron Rodgers this week (we're good buds) and he told me he nearly pees his pants in fear each time he sees Brian Urlacher's Old Spice commercial, so you can guess who will get the last laugh on Sunday. (Note: If Grossman starts for the Bears, disregard everything I said...and the Bears' chances of winning.)

MIA 24 OAK 12 - I have a suggestion for each team. For Miami: Every time Ricky Williams scores a TD, he should pretend to light the ball and take a puff. For Oakland: The Raiders should run only trick plays, every play of every game. At least they would get people to watch.

NO 27 KC 17 - I'm getting lucky; the NFC South is playing terrible teams this week. But I really hope Reggie Bush plays in this game. I've always thought Bush was overrated, but the Saints kind of suck without him, so I will start giving him more “on-field” credit. As for “off-field” credit, he's dating Kim Kardashian, so I've never short-changed him there. VERY NICE!!!

IND 27 HOU 15 - Peyton and the Colts have been struggling a little bit this season, and I blame this on Marvin Harrison, who went all Al Pacino on us this year; people rarely go from great to crap this fast. How was Peyton supposed to see this coming? That wall Marvin must of hit before the season had to be a pretty freaking big one.

STL 23 SF 20 - I would much rather Fox air info-mercials for the Magic Bullet or that stupid Gazelle thing instead of this game. Thank God I don't live on the West Coast.

ARI 31 SEA 17 - In Bizarro World, people say goodbye when they arrive and hello when they leave. So anyways, I think we can pretty confidently say goodbye to the Cardinals as the 2008 NFC West Champions. Get it?

TEN 28 JAC 15 - I really can't see the Titans going undefeated, but I also can't seem to find a game to pick against them. I mean, God must have brought Kerry “Lazarus” Collins back from the dead for a reason, right?

PIT 24 SD 16 - Unless Shawn Merriman could somehow make LaDanian Tomlinson a good running back again and Norv Turner a coaching genius, people need to stop using his injury as an excuse for the Bolts being a crappy team. Just face it. They suck.

WAS 27 DAL 20 - I am so happy that the Cowboys' bye-week is over and they are finally playing again. ESPN was really running out of things to talk about. And Tony Romo was running out of excuses as to why he couldn't listen to Jessica's new album.

BUF 27 CLE 18 - I must admit, Brady did impress me last week. Unfortunately, he played at Notre Dame and now plays for the Browns, so no matter how good he is, he will always be a complete loser and failure as a human being. Also, it looks like Kellen Winslow has been hanging around Braylon Edwards a little too much. Are they just drenching their hands in baby oil before every play? There must be an explanation.

Thanks for reading

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