Saturday, November 29, 2008

NFL Week 13 Picks

Last Week: Whoops

Overall: Still 39-31

I'm obviously very behind. I didn't make picks last week (sorry, it was finals week) and I didn't get my picks in this week before the Thursday Thanksgiving Day games. Lucky for you, I'm a very honest person. I promise I made the Thursday picks before the games were played, and I also made my picks last week and happened to go 16-0. (One of those is a lie.) So anyways, I'm trying to get back on track. Please bear with me.

Let's do it.

TEN 31 DET 17 – On this day, every person employed by the Detroit Lions should give thanks for the fact that they have a job. In the real world, if you are a complete waste of life, you would never be able to stay employed. The Lions should feel blessed. Also, this will be Kerry “Lazarus” Collin’s second favorite Thanksgiving ever, his first being when he arrived on the Mayflower.

DAL 24 SEA 15 – The fact that each team gets to have a Thanksgiving dinner after the game is the only reason Wade Phillips needs to put this one out of reach as soon as he possibly can.

ARI 28 PHI 17 – Donavan thought they always played on Sunday. But a Thursday game? He wasn’t aware that was even in the rule-book. He had never heard of that before. And apparently the games only last two quarters now…for him at least.

BUF 26 SF 16 – No way those yuppies from San Fran fly into Buffalo in late November and de-thaw in time to make it a game against the Bills.

BAL 23 CIN 18 – (Justin’s sensible choice) – I’m going to this game, so it will be the first time I get to hold back my vomit with 65,000 other fans rather than by myself in front of the TV. Also, while watching the Steelers game last week at Buffalo Wild Wings (because the Nazi’s at NFL Network won’t show it anywhere else), I heard someone say Ryan Fitzpatrick was a disgrace to all Irish people everywhere. Yup, that pretty much sums up the 2008 Cincinnati Bengals. (Justin’s “the fan” choice) – HEY RAY LEWIS, THE PENITENTIARY CALLED AND THEY WANT THEIR MURDERER BACK!!! THE ONLY PRODUCTIVE THING THE RAVENS HAVE DONE IS FIRE BRIAN BILLICK SO WE CAN WATCH THOSE COORS LIGHT COMMERCIALS!!! YES, I’M OBVIOUSLY RUNNING OUT OF INSULTS…WHO-DEY!!!!

IND 35 CLE 17 –Brady Quinn is out for the year with a hang-nail, so the Brownies will have to try and make it with Derek Anderson the rest of the way. Lucky for Anderson though, Braylon and Kellen have teamed up to take the pressure off of him. They will continue to drop anything they can get their frail little hands on, so it will never be Derek’s fault. If only all teammates could be like that.

MIA 26 STL 13 – Ricky Williams loves Thanksgiving, because it is the only day of the year he doesn’t get questioned for loading his plate with tons of food, covering it with gravy, and then falling asleep a few hours later. The peace and quiet will leave Ricky and the Dolphins flying high to a win on Sunday.

NYG 27 WAS 19 – The breaking news is that Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg at a night club Friday evening. Any chance Goodell suspends Burress for shooting another NFL player? It only seems fair, if he’s serious about cleaning up this league.

TB 21 NO 20 – You all know how I feel about NFC South games, so I had to come up with a way to pick this one, because my choice would most certainly be wrong. So here it goes: I’ve been to New Orleans before, but I’ve never been to Tampa. I’d like to go to Tampa someday, so I’m picking them to win by one. Make sense?

CAR 33 GB 25 – Most would say it’s tough to go in to Lambeau in November and win. But most would also say it’s tough to give up 51 points in a game, and the Pack did that last week, so I’ll roll with the Panthers. (Notice the NFC South team involved with this pick. Agree at your own risk.)

ATL 24 SD 18 – As the season goes on, you discover different things about yourself. For instance, I discovered that I really enjoy watching the Chargers screw themselves at the end of games and lose it at the last second. I also discovered that Norv Turner and I apparently have something in common, because that is the only reasonable explanation for his decision making processes. I mean he can’t actually be that bad of a coach. Can he?

NYJ 27 DEN 15 I have a theory. I think Denver is actually a pretty good team, but they are on a quest to see how many games they can lose and still win the AFC West. They’ll worry about winning when the time comes. The fact that you are nodding in agreement with this theory really speaks to the quality of this division.

NE 27 PIT 23 – I really hate the Patriots and I really hate the Steelers. Still, the Patriots lost Brady in Week 1, and nothing terrible has happened to Hines Ward yet, so I’m rooting for the Pats in this one. I also want to make it known that I just said “nothing terrible has happened to Hines Ward yet.” I never said I HOPE something terrible happens to Hines Ward, and you have no idea what goes on in my head, so I cannot be accused of anything. I am free from the tyranny of the law on this one.

OAK 9 KC 8 – This could very well decide who gets the second pick in next year’s NFL Draft, so I don’t even need to try and explain how important this game is. The significance pretty much speaks for itself.

MIN 17 CHI 14 – Kyle Orton and Gus Frerotte battling to keep their teams in contention for an NFC North Division Title. It is statements like those that make America great. On the contrary, statements like “Carson Palmer out again this Sunday” are what make my life a living hell for one day a week. Moving on.

JAC 23 HOU 14 Two teams with high pre-season aspirations. Two teams that now realize how much they suck. I’m getting my wisdom teeth pulled Monday morning, so hopefully I’ll still be in a drugged-up haze for this game. Otherwise, it won’t be worth watching.

Thanks for reading

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