Last Week: 7-7
As I continue to crawl my way towards an impressive .500 record overall (or not), I find myself getting better at making these picks. In fact, I think I've found the secret formula. Remember the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza starts doing things the exact opposite of how he would usually do them? Well, that's what I do for the majority of the games I pick. As Jerry would say, "If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right." Too true Jerry, too true.
Let's do it.BAL 19 OAK 15 – How can I be expected to make accurate picks when the Raiders and the Rams both win in the same week? I guess I’ll have to bust out my tarot cards and wigi board from now on. Still, I can’t see the Raiders doing it two weeks in a row, especially now that the Ravens are in the bounty-hunting business.
CAR 27 ARI 19 – I guess I’ll go with the Carolina Anomalies at home in this one. But be sure to note that I have about as much confidence picking them as I do in finding myself in the next edition of People’s 50 Most Beautiful People.
TB 31 DAL 13 – I’m really pulling for the Cowboys to lose big, just to see how fast Sportscenter changes its name to “How much can we over-cover the under-achieving Cowboys – Center.” How was that? Did I reach too much on that one? I really felt like I was reaching.
WAS 26 DET 11 – The Redskins’ close call against the Browns should be a huge wake-up call. Plus, I’m pulling for the Lions to go “o-fer” this season and draft the first overrated receiver they can get their hands on.
BUF 29 MIA 17 – With the way Buffalo has been playing, Ricky Williams and the Dolphins are about to see their optimistic playoff chances go up in smoke. Yup, that’s two weeks in a row I’ve made a joke in the “Ricky Williams is a pot-head” genre. I’m gonna ride this wave as long as I can.
STL 23 NE 17 – Last week I underrated both the Pats and the Rams. But since I have been underrating the Rams all season, I'll finally put some faith in them, which inevitably means the Pats will win by like 45.
SD 22 NO 17 – No Reggie Bush for the Saints, so I’ll go with the Chargers (begrudgingly) in this one, which is being played across the pond in London. On that note, I predict CBS plays “London Calling” by the Clash every time they go to/return from commercial. Every time.
NYJ 27 KC 3 – After seeing how Fa-Fa-Fa-Favre-y and the Jets played the last two games, I was definitely picking against them this week…until I saw they were playing the Chiefs.
ATL 26 PHI 23 – The Phillies are in the World Series, expectations for the Eagles and Sixers are high, and Philadelphia sports teams have historically had terrible luck. The City of Brotherly Love has to know that something nasty is hiding right around the corner. It’s a vicious circle.
JAC 24 CLE 12 – To be completely honest, the Browns could be playing against a 6th-grade girls volleyball team and I would still pick them to lose. Plus there’s the fact that Phil Dawson grows noodle legs to kick his last-second field goals. HA HA HA!!! Oh, and watch out for those staph infections Jacksonville. BURN!!!
HOU 22 CIN 11 – (Justin’s sensible choice) – Well, it looks like Carson Palmer is done for the year. If you listen very carefully, you might be able to hear the sound of me sobbing uncontrollably while you are reading this. (Justin’s “the fan” choice) – WE HAVE THE WHOLE LEAGUE RIGHT WHERE WE WANT THEM NOW!!! 9-7, HERE WE COME!!! IT’S GO TIME – WHO DEY!!!!!! (I need a hug.)
PIT 27 NYG 23 – Ok, here is me doing an impression of every football analyst on ESPN. Are you ready? Ok, here it is. –“Hines Ward is the greatest person to walk the face of this earth, EVER. In a couple of weeks, I’m writing in Hines Ward to be President of the United States. If I were an expecting parent, I would name my new-born child Hines Ward. If I were single, I would marry Hines Ward. If I ever change my name, I will change it to Hines Ward. I LOVE Hines Ward.” By the way ESPN, you’re welcome for the under-exaggeration.
SF 17 SEA 12 – I. Don’t. Care. J.T. O’Sullivan vs Seneca Wallace? Seriously? I’ll catch up on my Lifetime movies instead. Or maybe Desperate Housewives. Or maybe anything else that keeps me from watching this.
TEN 29 IND 22 – I’m rolling with Kerry “Lazarus” Collins until his old, decrepit legs fall off. However, I have this bad feeling that whichever team I pick in this one will end up losing on a last second field goal. It’s like I'm having one of those “flash-forward” visions that Desmond gets on Lost. Freaky.
Thanks for reading